Each culture has its twiddly bits. Its good to be able to display them at job interviews. Your BBC received pronunciation, your tidy spoken Welsh, your ability to juggle a glass of fruit juice and some chewy sandwiches and make polite conversation with the team. But all too often, as a foreigner, you blunder on by, not even realising the manhole without the manhole cover until .....Oops.
A Belgian mate of mine explained to me twenty years ago:
'And that's the bit in the job interview when you pull out your party card and put it on the table....'
Oh. Durr. Well how in many interviews have I let that pregnant pause just pass me by. And I suppose a card from Blockbuster just wouldn't do.
Interviewing for a student job as a Fruehstuecksfrau in Berlin - (hotel cleaner and kitchen staff for breakfast prep) I had to boil six eggs in an alien kitchen. That went just fine, but once in post my supervisor had the day off, and I managed to explode all 50 boiled eggs at once. Oh the shame of it.
Six months into life in Kenya I went for an interview in the placements office at an evangelical university. I'm a Quaker. I'm confident talking about my faith life. I just don't expect to do it at a job interview. In fact I'd even think it might be something to get you excluded from the running.
'No, I don't know about risk assessment in teaching & learning, but let me tell you about a thought I had the other day...'
Towards the end, when all had gone swimmingly, out came the killer question.
'And have you been saved?'
[Gulp. Look behind me to see if there's anyone else this might be addressed at.]
'Saved? Errr...'
[Highpitched] 'I pray. I listen to God in my life and try to act on it. I've served my local church as an Elder for the last six years, responsible for the spiritual life of the meeting.'
[Leaning forward & insistent] 'But have you bathed in the blood of the Lamb?'
It wasn't a meeting of the minds. They turned me down, though I was the only applicant. The problem, as they made clear, was that being Saved wasn't a claim I even wanted to fumble my way towards. I'm stroppy on this. I'm not going to have my faith life coerced into your belief system. Either you listen to what I want to say, and see if it measures up - it didn't - or not. But Being Saved isn't what its about for me, and I'm not going to bluff it and stutter a feeble:
'But I'm confident with a two day refresher course I could be saveable...'
It rankled. I got wild eyed and pointy stabbing fingery at innocent bystanders for a while afterwards. Six months later I got linked in requests from the two members of the panel. We don't want your skills because we think you're damned to perdition - but we'd like to link in with you. Huh. No way. This heathen is walking by on the other side thank you very much.
On the other hand at BigCorporate where the job involved supporting students to write autobiographical college essays I mentioned sheepishly, diffidently towards the interview's end,
'And I studied Literature, that might help.'
I thought they'd fall about, insisting they only wanted staff with Econometrics or Auditing with Advanced Astrophysics.
But 'Marvellous' they said heartily, 'that will be a great help.'
A great solace that was. I repeated it to myself at low moments for years. Though mentioning it to a Polish friend last week she said sceptically,
'But weren't they being ironic?'
Sinking feeling, maybe they were. Maybe, horror of horrors, this is a case of the penny dropping three years late. Another sign of the foreigner adrift.
Four years on I'm returning to the UK for job interviews. And somehow the landscape has shifted, my timing is off and I've lost my native touch there too. But that's a story for another day.
A Belgian mate of mine explained to me twenty years ago:
'And that's the bit in the job interview when you pull out your party card and put it on the table....'
Oh. Durr. Well how in many interviews have I let that pregnant pause just pass me by. And I suppose a card from Blockbuster just wouldn't do.
Interviewing for a student job as a Fruehstuecksfrau in Berlin - (hotel cleaner and kitchen staff for breakfast prep) I had to boil six eggs in an alien kitchen. That went just fine, but once in post my supervisor had the day off, and I managed to explode all 50 boiled eggs at once. Oh the shame of it.
Six months into life in Kenya I went for an interview in the placements office at an evangelical university. I'm a Quaker. I'm confident talking about my faith life. I just don't expect to do it at a job interview. In fact I'd even think it might be something to get you excluded from the running.
'No, I don't know about risk assessment in teaching & learning, but let me tell you about a thought I had the other day...'
Towards the end, when all had gone swimmingly, out came the killer question.
'And have you been saved?'
[Gulp. Look behind me to see if there's anyone else this might be addressed at.]
'Saved? Errr...'
[Highpitched] 'I pray. I listen to God in my life and try to act on it. I've served my local church as an Elder for the last six years, responsible for the spiritual life of the meeting.'
[Leaning forward & insistent] 'But have you bathed in the blood of the Lamb?'
It wasn't a meeting of the minds. They turned me down, though I was the only applicant. The problem, as they made clear, was that being Saved wasn't a claim I even wanted to fumble my way towards. I'm stroppy on this. I'm not going to have my faith life coerced into your belief system. Either you listen to what I want to say, and see if it measures up - it didn't - or not. But Being Saved isn't what its about for me, and I'm not going to bluff it and stutter a feeble:
'But I'm confident with a two day refresher course I could be saveable...'
It rankled. I got wild eyed and pointy stabbing fingery at innocent bystanders for a while afterwards. Six months later I got linked in requests from the two members of the panel. We don't want your skills because we think you're damned to perdition - but we'd like to link in with you. Huh. No way. This heathen is walking by on the other side thank you very much.
On the other hand at BigCorporate where the job involved supporting students to write autobiographical college essays I mentioned sheepishly, diffidently towards the interview's end,
'And I studied Literature, that might help.'
I thought they'd fall about, insisting they only wanted staff with Econometrics or Auditing with Advanced Astrophysics.
But 'Marvellous' they said heartily, 'that will be a great help.'
A great solace that was. I repeated it to myself at low moments for years. Though mentioning it to a Polish friend last week she said sceptically,
'But weren't they being ironic?'
Sinking feeling, maybe they were. Maybe, horror of horrors, this is a case of the penny dropping three years late. Another sign of the foreigner adrift.
Four years on I'm returning to the UK for job interviews. And somehow the landscape has shifted, my timing is off and I've lost my native touch there too. But that's a story for another day.
I missed the bit where you said you were returning to the UK. I've enjoyed your posts from Africa very much. Good luck with the job interview.
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