Shepherds, Kings and Donkeys

There is nothing which brings a tear to my eye more rapidly than a small boy, teatowel on head, beard drawn on with eyeliner, star of the Christmas nativity play.  Small girls in Disney Snow White costumes, complete with red hairband, used to do it too, but I seem to have become de-sensitised.  Tiny children dwarfed on the stage singing solo, gathered audience holding its bated breath as one, are another winner.  I guarantee, forty years from now, I shall be the granny with the inappropriate hat blocking the view of rows behind me, sobbing loudly, as the small striped shepherds in their dressing gowns troop onto the stage.  Lovely.

I state my softer Christmas credentials rapidly, as so much of the rest of the nativity play experience leaves me stressed and Scrooge-like, sullen on the sidelines. I KNOW its for the children. I understand its about deeper spiritual truths.  I KNOW they so love it. I understand how much it matters to perform, and to have an adoring audience cheering you on. I wouldn't miss it, I know these are once in a lifetime memories.  But why why why is so much of the process made so painful for a parent?

So here's my guide from the parent's perspective for successful nativity plays.

Speaking as a serial Innkeeper's Wife, who never herself scored high in the angel stakes, dear teachers, keep a list of who had the major parts in your year's nativity play.  Pass it on to the teacher of the following year. Don't always choose the same blond angelic child to be Gabriel, spread it round a little. No one knows that angels aren't lumpen, and tinsel works wonders for everyone.  YOU may not think Overactive is angelic, but maybe their parents too need reminding of their angelic qualities by this stage in the year. Be their advocate for a brighter future, go on.  You may think these things don't matter, but pick any mild-mannered parent from the playground and ask her to recite which of her child's peers had the leading roles in each year. Then try and stop her. Ancient Mariner watch out!

Nativity plays, by their nature, are held during advent. As are carol concerts, Christmas concerts, final assemblies and sports days (here in Kenya).  But for those in employment, so too are corporate retreats, major training sessions, and East African endeavours to spend end of year surplus.  In my eight active years of nativity plays for two children, I've attended two thirds of the two play performances alone, while Tom (and many of his mates) are unavoidably away doing something week-long, residential, compulsory and year end related.

I've moaned before how the expat school day presupposes a full-time driver, or a mother who loves nothing better than nose to tail traffic jams and a second home on some cold, hard step to the school cafeteria.  This trend reaches its peak at Christmas.  In an attempt to make late night performances more manageable for the small performers, my daily routine last week involved:  dropoff FirstBorn for registration at 750, dropoff SecondBorn for registration at 0900, pick up SecondBorn at 1315, pick up FirstBorn at 1600, return SecondBorn to school, fed and watered at 1800, play starts 1845 and finishes 2030.  Bar only opens at 1830 (sigh), and by the second night, had become a dry bar, as new Kenyan legislation prevents any sale of alcohol within 100 metres of any child. 'Go coral them over there and bring back the beer,' muttered a similarly un-festive Dad at one point!   Liftshares would be a solution. But our longstanding liftshare partner was also on a pre-year end work trip (to Somalia), - which in terms of complications and stresslevels, sure puts my petty moans into perspective.

As a short parent of shorter-than-average children I commend tiered levels to play producers. DON'T put the key action on the floor infront of the stage.  Only BeachTowelWieldingParents who staked out their front row seats 4 hours previously by volunteering to help with some key task in the inner enclave, will ever get to see the little darlings there.

I realise that choosing the Christmas play is probably one of the high stress benchmarks for any primary school teacher.  You aren't going to get it right. Not each Little Kevin CAN have a speaking part. Parents are not going to hold back from telling you how they see it. Tears before bedtime are a certainty.  But please, teacher, do think in choosing, what will it be like for the parents to engage with this play?  They aren't just going to see two performances, they will be living alongside a performance in loop for over a month.

Both First and SecondBorn have always entered with relish into linelearning.  By the end of the third week of rehearsals, we will have heard, repeatedly, not just their one line, but those of many others in the play. Again, and again.  Two years ago, SecondBorn had been allocated a non-speaking part to his disgust.  Then a biblical flu-bug cut a swathe through the cast, and understudy to star, in the final dress rehearsal, he was allocated a key speaking part.  Whose Rightful Owner managed to stagger back to school for the performance, demoting SecondBorn back to his place as ThirdSheep (nonspeaking).  WannabeStar managed to express his outrage at demotion. In the back row, possibly visible to only his doting mother, one sheep lipsynched the whole of the performance, often getting his version of the lines in before their true performer. Oh dear.

My last plea is a cultural one.  I get that nativity plays derive from a biblical faith story.  I think its good for children to know the stories of other faiths.  What I, as a Quaker who sees Christianity as helpful for me, but not as superior to other faiths, object to really strongly, is the nativity play chosen presenting the Christmas story as the only valid truth, with children and their parents being given no opt out clause.  It's one thing to act out the story and the verses. It's another to have to proclaim lines on its meaning, 'Jesus is our Good Shepherd',  'Jesus came to save us all', when your faith background is Islam, Hinduism, atheism or Jain.  Or even if you are an independently-minded child of Christian parents.  I'm not saying nativity plays should be about fairies and Santa with never a whiff of the outcast born in the stable.  But for me, school is about valuing where the child is at. Is about developping critical thinking. And so should be about presenting opinions as opinions, on which individuals may choose to differ.